Bad Business

ok, i've been on my blogging game recently.. i guess i got my swagger back.. whateva..

but, this is a truthful fiction story.. meaning that i won't expose names, etc, but the story is the truth.. my adlibs and jokes are fictional, but they were thoughts running through my head..

ok, so y'all know that i feel that as Black people, we have mastered the art of bad service.. i also believe that we've mastered bad business.. that includes practices, looks, methodologies, everything.. we mastered it.. that's not to say we can't or don't get it right when we want to.. some of our businesses are good.. some of our business minds are excellent.. but a lot just don't cut it..

so i was trying to get somebody to provide their sales pitch to me.. oh this was a sales pitch that was wrong from the start.. let's just say i needed a gym membership.. so i go to the spot, and i try to get them to upsell me on the membership by offering my own dedicated locker.. they have stuff that come with them.. so i go in there and ask the dude to give me the pitch.. dude is confused.. you would've thought that i asked him to give me all of his banking information or something, cuz dude was lost.. after 3 tries, he understood.. so here he goes..

he tells me that with the membership and locker, i get a discount on things that i buy there.. that's cool, but keep in mind that i don't buy nothing there.. nothing is of use to me there.. the shirts are from 1988.. they don't even fit me.. shrunk down to the size of Midget Mac or something.. then he tells me that when Nike comes in to do presentations, that they often leave him with empty boxes for Nike.. told me that he can give me a couple of those empty boxes so that i can put my own non-Nike shoes in them.. ridiculous.. so he's 0-for-2 right now with these "perks"..

then he tells me that they are considering giving people the opportunity to not only hand in comment cards to reflect on my membership experience, but that i will also have the opportunity to tell it to their faces, cuz they want to smell my breath.. yea, didn't make sense to me either.. i mean, i can just tell them that any time.. why do i have to wait for a special meeting? how do you know that i care enough? can't a brother just get a locker and go about his business? i just don't feel like bring my toiletries and stuff every dang time.. that's all a brother wanted..

the next part was payment.. see, supposedly the cost went up for the lockers.. but then others told me how much they were paying.. but the dude told me a different cost.. so i had to address that.. and it was addressed with no problem.. i could get the lockers for the same cost as others did.. no ish, sherlock.. then i could pay over time.. or i could pay it all in advance..

pause..

i don't know about y'all, but i ain't paying for nothing in full if i ain't getting everything at that time.. payment plans work for me.. plus, this gym might close next month, and my membership lasts for a year.. what good is a membership that ain't valid?

un-pause..

so here i am, making this dude sweat.. it's hotter than Africa in this piece, so that didn't take much.. his sales pitch was going down faster than Richard Simmons.. i'm just saying.. i was getting frustrated listening.. with my patience fried, i started to help out.. i re-did his sales pitch.. told him how he probably should come at other people for this membership and locker.. and my last parting shot was just to tell him that next month, i'd like for him to try it on me again.. for now, i'll just bring my toiletries..

so people, get your game together.. don't say you're a marketer, and then come up with the wackest idea ever.. don't say you're a business dude but have never heard of "sales pitch".. i mean it happens, but don't make it so obvious.. we all have our days.. our moments.. shoot, i recall one of the best moments at my business.. some chick gave one of the worst ideas ever.. i mean ever.. and did it like she was Billy Clinton or something.. hand gestures, facial expressions, everything.. the only thing that saved her from the ridicule was that the client was there, and they found her VERY attractive.. that's it.. she was lucky.. but she never was in with another client.. and truth be told, she wasn't working w/ us for too much longer.. shoot, i was people's boss, and i couldn't even get them to work with her.. i think they would rather have quit than to have to deal with her.. so we all have our days, our moments.. but even in those moments, you can separate the real from the fake..

step your game up.. please..

i'm just sayin'..