Introducing Sleepy..

see man, i wasn't even going to do it like this, but my man forced my hand.. here i was, prepared to introduce my cat to the world.. full of stories that were hilarious to me.. that were even funnier to those that have met my cat.. but today changed it all..

let me back up.. i hate cats.. HATE them.. never liked them joints.. were too sneaky to me.. to be honest, i thought they were too much like me.. slanted eyes.. no sense of what limits them.. they just go for it.. but then Sleepy came into my life.. much more than a cat, dude is a tiger in training.. that's where he got me..

see, i like big cats.. Lions, tigers, panthers, etc.. Sleepy has some of that in him.. he made his way from the street, to finally living with me.. he won me over with his athletic ability.. plus he's a BIG cat.. dude is not your ordinary house cat.. he's probably like twice the size of your traditional house cat.. but not fat.. just strong and athletic.. lean.. i give it to him.. dude is a beast..

so that's the background..

over the last year, he and i became closer.. that's what happens, keep a pet long enough, and y'all start to know everything about one another.. plus he was a bully.. a small terror.. and a show-off.. he's like the LeBron of house cats.. jumping from 10 feet away.. bullying grown men.. biting.. dude can even slap box! don't believe me? just wait until the video blog.. just wait.. he will pop the mess outta somebody.. and that's how he won me over.. i just couldn't believe this lil' mickey fickey had so much gangsta in him.. to the point where i would literally have to resort to punching dude in his gut.. PETA, kiss my ass.. you can let a house cat punk you if you want, but i'm not the one..

so, we developed this rapport.. he has his gourmet food in the morning and at night.. i woke up, he was there waiting for me.. forcing me to the fridge? don't believe me? let me explain.. dude will be at the door, then wait for me, and as i'm walking to the bathroom he will cut right in front of me forcing me into the kitchen.. he'd then rub his face against the fridge and begin talking.. if i took too long, his meows became longer and stronger.. he wasn't playing.. i liken it to a spoiled kid banging his fists on the table saying "i want to eat! i want to eat!!".. that's Sleepy.. when i returned home, he would greet me at the door, then layout in front of me acting as if he wanted his belly rubbed then as soon as walk beside him, he'd trip me and run to the kitchen.. so, there i'd go.. being a punk.. getting him his food.. i was Mr. Belvedere.. although he has dry food in his bowl, he knew in the morning and evening he was ENTITLED to his gourmet meal.. crazy.. oh, and consider that the dude has an automatic kitty litter box!! he lives much better than me!!

but today?? as i sat working from home, i was lost.. sitting on the couch with the window air conditioner behind me, we both heard noises.. i figured it was my landlord messing with the trash, so i ignored it.. not Sleepy.. nah, dude was on the prowl.. he sat in the window staring.. i ignored him.. like 15 minutes later, i heard another sound.. so i get up.. "what is dude doing?".. i can't believe he's still out there messing w/ the garbage.. so i look out the window by the door and i don't see anything.. so then i peek out the air conditioner window.. guess what i see??

a female cat chillin' on top of the air conditioner.. Sleepy has a crush.. i was like, "aww that's qute".. but then it was going on for too long.. Sleepy sleeps all the time, esp' during the day.. he likes to do his dirt all by his lonely, so he waits until the night to start ripping and running.. not today.. dude is up all day.. knowing good and well he's dead tired.. all for a girl.. i start to ignore him, then i start to get upset.. i look at this street cat, and i'm like "she ain't even qute!!".. so i'm now bitter at his taste.. but part of me feels good.. like Sleepy isn't concerned about dating some model, even though he could.. he just likes what he likes.. since i see some of that in myself (although i would never date an ugly chick), i start to smile a bit..

so i peep his game.. he has none at all.. none whatsoever.. dude is caught out there.. BAD.. he's pressed.. this chick ain't even meowing for the dude.. she is pretty much just staring or either ignoring him.. on some, "dude can't even come out to play, what kind of man is that??".. but Sleepy ain't hearing it.. he proceeds to jump all around me, dang near pulling down the curtains and blinds to get closer to him.. he's "hissing".. yes, my man hisses or "huffs".. i'm screaming at him, dang near embarrassing him like any parent would do.. then i'm realizing that Sleepy, as big as he is, is just a teenager.. he don't know how to act.. so, as he tries to rip the plastic down (yea, i didn't take it down yet from the winter) from the windows, i intervene..

i start to take the plastic down so that he can see that even with it down, he still ain't getting to her.. then that cat starts looking at me.. that chick was too ugly, so i closed the blinds.. Sleepy is all over the window.. this goes on for hours.. like 6 hours.. shoot, that dang cat is still out there.. Sleepy can't sleep for 5 minutes without getting back up to check for her ugly ass.. so yea, right now i'm bitter.. my man has bad taste.. and he's pressed.. we don't do that.. we don't get down like that.. it has to be some mutual stuff.. Sleepy ain't hearing me.. dude is still pressed.. i have a feeling he's going to be up all night.. a shame what women do to us, isn't it?!!

i mean, here i was planning on telling you all about the amazing feats and tales of Sleepy, now i'm putting him on blast as being a sucker for an alley cat.. my strong, creative and athletic cat is now a sucker for love.. what is up with that? i want my tiger back.. i want my pretty boy back.. ahh, yea, Sleepy is a pretty boy.. bathes ever 15 minutes, like he was getting ready to go out on a date.. dude is "stank" too.. has a nice attitude.. touch him and he'll look at you sideways then clean himself.. as if he was questioning where your hands had been.. dude is hilarious.. he'll try to be all grown and sit next to me, when he knows he wants to go to sleep.. his head will start falling and his eyes will be dang near shut, but he'll fight the sleep.. shoot, then he'll find the most uncomfortable places to sleep and make it even more uncomfortable.. piles of papers or magazines.. he's crazy.. then, knowing that i'm allergic to him (and all cats, but good thing for Zyrtec!), he'll lay on my clothes, on my pillow.. one time, by accident, i jumped in the shower and threw my draws and wife beater in the hallway.. i come out only to see this dude doing a mating dance with my stuff.. first he lays on it, then he'll put one arm in front to brace it, then use his back legs to kick and stretch it.. it's classic, but at the same time nasty.. i'm like "why do you like my draws?".. but i guess he's showing me that he's with me for life, like it or not.. cuz if somebody loves your dirty draws, then shoot, they got love for you!! dude is funny.. we go to bed at the same time.. he races me to bed to be honest.. i get up and start walking back, and there he is flying by me, then slowing up as he walks into his room (the 2nd bedroom) at the same time that i walk into mine.. then he will sleep on the pillow that is laid out for him.. when i wake up early, he's still in his bed.. funny dude.. some might wonder why he doesn't sleep anywhere around me.. take a look at that picture.. he's worse than an infant or any woman.. he HOGS the bed.. will sleep right up under me.. not a good look if your cat is spooning you or you're spooning him.. so he gets kicked out.. sometimes he'll get lucky, and creep in, and make his way to the bottom of the bed (see, he's smart, as he knows how to start).. then come 3am, he's all up on my calf or something and i can no longer move.. then he'll have the nerve to give me attitude as if i woke his behind up.. he's special.. he's my cat..

he's Sleepy..