Come one, come all!! You’ve seen the Hip-Hop Starter Kits sold on MTV, BET and VH1, and in the back pages of XXL, Vibe and your favorite hip-hop magazines.. You know, the ones that teach you how to be a Wanksta, Backpacker or Video *cough* Vixen.. You’ve seen the Presidential Starter Kits as well.. Barack didn’t intend for his “Hope” to be jacked by other Presidential Wanna-Be’s, but that’s what he gets for having big rappers back him, and videos created for him.. I mean, when Tyra can book Obama, Clinton and Edwards and pretty much talk about nothing? Yea, that’s leading the pack..
Don’t sleep, though, because we have the TV Producer Starter Kits too!! Call it TRL, 106th & Park, Real World or College Hill, but Starter Kits seem to be all that you need to get by.. I think Bill Gates might have created one, too! I’m still waiting for my Oprah Kit (OK playa) to arrive in the mail.. My own Dr. Phil is going to be sick!!
So in that spirit, we announce The Anatomy of a Gangster Starter Kit!! After careful consideration, insight and due diligence, we present steps at becoming the next AG..
• Your own nickname or “just a name”
Mike, MJ, Oprah, Barack, Hov, Gates, The Answer, Tiger, Tyra, Denzel, Alicia.. You have to get to that point to be an AG.. One name, one letter, one symbol (I see you, Prince!).. You gotta get there.. If someone is saying your whole government in order for the general public to notice you? Yea, in the words of the Boondocks’ Riley, “that is very not gangsta..”..
•Nice wardrobe
You have to have your clothing game right in order to be an AG.. And let’s not get that confused in having your own line.. Cuz, some people have garbage lines that also are very not gangsta.. So, listen up, Generation Me.. Those long t-shirts are truly gowns.. Baggy jeans should mean that you have some breathing room.. Not room to fit another person or two.. A blazer should fit you perfectly.. If you have shoulder pads that don’t sit on your shoulders? Yea, that is very not gangsta.. Ladies, if your business suit shows all ass and cleavage, that is very not gangsta.. I mean, we men appreciate it, but I’m not able to think about respecting you when you have the twins staring at me.. Y’all know our focus is already questionable.. The tight jeans? Yea, we love them too, but at some point even we (men) start to wonder if you’re cutting off your blood circulation.. So, just get your clothing game right.. Clothes that fit.. A nice sense of style..
•Common Sense
You cannot be a gangster if you believe everything you see and hear.. You have to have a very strong sense of what is logical and what smells funny.. A rapper/politician/actor/man/girl can’t define what you do or say.. At least not as your Bible, Qur’an, Mathematics or anything else.. Common sense also tells you that you have to take time to learn.. You have to study.. Whether it’s a textbook, a playbook, history, script or blog, you have to study your craft and hone it.. Then you have to Oprah it (peep the past AOG: OWN).. Sometimes it’s just stopping to think for a second.. WWAGD (What Would an American Gangster Do – for the slow ones out there).. Spend money on rims or a house? Go to school or the block? (Frank wasn’t on the block!) If you want to be on the path of an AG, then just stop and think.. WWAGD??
•Your own theme song
If you’re really big, you can have your own soundtrack.. We knew about the importance of your own song way back when Keenan provided that tidbit of information in “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”.. We just didn’t listen.. Think about it.. All AG’s have their own theme music.. Remember when the Bulls started their reign as the best since those old time Celtics?? What do you remember?? Mike? Yea, kinda.. Pip? I guess so.. Big Chief Triangle? Not Really.. Rodman? Of course.. But don’t front.. Y’all know who created the player announcements (or at least took it to the next level).. That’s right “Your, Chicago Bulls!!”.. Lights went out, music started blaring and you knew what was coming next.. Be honest, if you’re a sports fan and you know what I’m talking about, you’re getting hype right now just thinking about that theme music.. For the non-sports fans out there, think about what’s going on with Barack or even the jingles that you remember and associate to people and products.. That Apple jingle? Law & Order sound? Martin’s show theme? The music speaks volumes for it.. “Sometimes I feel, that he is me…” Ahh, let me stop..
So there you have it.. Part 1 to your The Anatomy of a Gangster Starter Kit.. For consultation on the Gangster Starter Kit, please feel free to contact me for more information.. Otherwise, stay tuned..
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