Shut the Bleep Up..

normally i don't do this.. but really?? for real? in the words of Riley (Boondocks, come back), "that's what's really hood, huh? that's what's really hood?!"

saying your RNC speech in your latest Klan rally?? that's how it goes down?? only to see FoxNews report that you finally had your moment and spoke with assertion? really? is that what assertion is? being able to raise your voice above a whisper while finding a way to stay alive?? really?

did you really think a show like the Daily Show wouldn't peep that either and make fun of you? really? you actually had the audacity to spit the end of your RNC speech again? line for line? word for word?? and the media doesn't eat you alive for that??

i guess that really is hood..

Shut the eff up and get off my tv.. i hope you have an accident on stage tonight.. and not the "that one" accident.. one more of those, and you might mess around and find yourself missing.. keep playing.. there are a bunch of "that ones" walking around free nowadays.. read up on your current affairs.. i mean, i know your girl doesn't read or even know the name of newspapers, but you should be smarter than her.. shoot, who isn't??

The (Stock) Market..

or so they say.. for my math people, you know those brackets mean the negative.. pun was definitely intended..

our economy is worthless.. i just got my latest statement, and while i'm not doing horrible (diversity has its perks), i still lost money across the board.. i've been upset with people talking about buying stocks and all that stuff, because they THOUGHT we bottomed out.. sorry, didn't happen.. people bought those cheap stocks and days later lost it all.. not a good look.. and i know Buffet came out saying how the stocks are on sale..

umm, no.. i feel you, but no..

the fact is that maybe 6 months ago, our stock market became the equivalent of Marshall's and TJ Maxx.. Maybe Filene's Basement.. places where you could get great stuff for cheap.. name brand stuff at 1/2 the price.. that's where we were sitting.. and as an avid fan of Marshall's and Target (don't sleep, y'all saw Halle in Tar-jay earlier this week too!) i like those deals.. those types of stocks.. because as soon as i get them, then they go up.. i end up making the stocks better (or at least that's what i tell myself).. that Polo sweater i copped for 1/2 off looks like the same one Kanye bought for full price.. no one can tell the difference, so that stock went right back up to where it should be..

now??

shee-it.. the stock market is like the 99 cents store.. you go in there, and you dang near know that what you cop will be useless in about a week.. it goes down as soon as you buy it, and the only ppl that are happy, are the ones who sold it to you.. so, nah, ain't nothing on sale.. we are a week away from it being worthless..

let that marinate for a second..

Battle Royal

this is some amazing stuff.. i thought this only happened in movies, post-1980.. some Gangs of New York ish.. they get it in inside of Russia.. peep how after they start running, how cars come in and try to run cats over (yea, i'm giving it away).. crazy..

Gangs of Russia

Big Foot..

so, a bit ago i was out in LA.. while i was out there, i needed a massage.. in the worst way.. ya boy was stressed.. was also tired and my body needed some attention.. so, i heard a lot about the Thai Massage.. and it was cheap.. $45 cheap.. but again, i heard from a lot of people (credible people) that this was the way to go.. so i find one..

now, i know a lot of you are thinking about Happy Endings.. so was i.. and a lot of those places do cater to the Happy Ending crowd.. now, i'm a fan of happy endings, but i wasn't looking for that.. i just needed somebody to abuse me in a pleasant way, and for cheap..

so i find a spot in Hollywood.. i make the appointment.. let's bypass the fact that i got lost and dang near tore up the rental car.. forget all that.. i get there.. finally.. immediately Mr. Miyagi greets me.. he then points to the license that he has signifying that his place of business is legit..

pause..

business owners.. please don't do this.. i'm not concerned about your credentials by the time i get to your establishment.. the fact that you point out a license that is above the door that i walked in (i.e. i had to turn around and look up to see the license), and it is barely visible, is a problem.. i can't see the date or even what the license says, so then i'm made to be more skeptical..

unpause..

i say cool.. i give him my money (we have to prepay) and the tip.. i'm getting all of that out the way, plus i want the person hammering out the kinks to know so that maybe i can get a few more minutes beyond the hour that i've paid for..

so he ushers me back to these small cubby holes.. these joints sneak up on you.. as soon as you turn the corner, you see a serious of these holes.. before each hole there is a small step that you have to use to get in.. most people miss this step.. it's dark.. i know i missed it and banged my knee right into the bed that i didn't realize was a bed.. so obviously i would need some extra work on my knee area to compensate for this bed taking my knee out..

so what you have to do is pretty much crawl into this bed.. thanks for telling me that before i lost this next season in the NBA.. truly appreciated..

then a lady comes by and provides me with some boxer shorts to put on, as i was told to strip down and put them on.. umm.. no.. first of all, why am i putting on someone else's boxers when i have my own.. actually i was wearing boxer briefs, but still.. so i put these boxers on over my boxer briefs.. i don't need coodies like that chick that worked at McD's that i talked about.. not happening.. so there i am, laying down in this bed w/ extra support for my man region..

in comes the lady that is about to hammer out the kinks.. personally, i don't like looking at the women that work on my body.. i like to just assume i have this fine woman working on me.. i don't need to know that the chick working on me is the lady from "Misery".. nah, i'm good..

so i'm laying on my stomach.. she comes in and starts to work.. now a Thai massage is different.. it's a mixture of swedish and some flexy exy stuff.. contortion.. something like that.. but i heard it works wonders.. so there she was, doing what she does.. i'm a human pretzel.. cool..

then towards the end of my back portion, i feel A LOT of pressure on my hamstring.. A LOT.. it feels like someone is standing on my hamstring.. my eyes are closed.. plus the cubby hole is maybe 5' high.. so it can't be that.. then i'm thinking that this chick turned into the Incredible Hulk in minutes.. as i struggle to figure out how i made her that mad that she turned into the Hulk, i tried to take a sneak peek.. i couldn't see her.. she was angled just enough that i couldn't see her or move my head to see her.. as i tried to man up and not let her know that i was in pain, i just kept thinking "this chick is standing on my legs, she's not that strong"..

next thing i know, i'm being told to sit up.. phew! the pain was over.. i manned up.. made it through the Hulk experience.. i'm now looking at this chick that is about 4'8".. still in awe of her superhuman strength.. she asks me to sit up.. she then puts me in a WWF (not a WWE) move where she grabs my arms from behind to stretch me..

then it happens..

she puts her foot on my thigh for leverage.. it just happened to feel the same way as the hands that were laid on me that felt like the Hulk.. but then i look at her foot on some "this chick just put her toes all on my thigh!!".. then i notice that this chick's foot is wide as hell!! the biggest little foot i've ever seen in my life.. her toes were wide and flexible.. this messed up my whole experience, as i started to think about how big her foot was.. then i started to realize that the chick actually was standing on my hamstrings!!

this was too much.. but i was a pretzel at this point and was at her mercy.. i started to feel pain and pressure that i never felt before.. i was confused.. i was also amazed at her strength.. here i am, a dude that can do some fictional pushups, and this dwarf has me hemmed up, and i can't do nothing.. can't cry, can't scream, can't move.. i was scared to do any of that.. i just kept thinking, "this is a blog waiting to happen"..

all the while, more people came in down the small hall.. more people blew out their knees with the cubby hole structure.. this one Black chick came in and was telling the person what not to do.. she knew.. she had it all figured out.. she told her person that she didn't want to be walked or stepped on..

i knew it!! they walk on us.. this is some revenge thing.. they walk all over us, cuz they can.. some psychological payback.. it was crazy..

so this was all going through my head.. and then it was over.. and you know what? it was the best massage i ever had!! stepped on.. bent up.. confused.. blown knees.. big foot.. everything.. my body felt good.. i dream about Big Foot now.. it exists.. and it's a dwarf Thai chick that makes a living in Los Angeles..

don't believe me? try it yourself!!

Success Magazine..

it's on the newsstands now.. pick it up.. some dude from a company named Fuzion is in there.. nice 3/4 page picture and everything.. Tony Hawk is on the cover.. and yes, the magazine is legit.. Donald Trump was on the cover last month.. check your local Barnes & Noble.. article is pretty much in the middle of the issue..

Justin Martin..

my little man is growing up.. dude is about to be all over your theater screens starting this Friday (tomorrow)..

The Express.. check it out.. he plays Ernie Davis as a child..

High School Musical 3.. check that out.. comes out on the 24th of this month, i think.. check the commercials, they are on all of the time.. y'all don't need a link for this movie..

The Soloist.. check that out.. with Jamie Foxx.. comes out on Nov. 21st..

Black Water Transit.. check that out.. not sure when this one will be released.. crazy.. he did this movie before the others one, but this one is taking a bit longer to come out.. it also stars Laurence Fishburne..

props to the young man, Mr. Martin..

The Androde, Ms. Alaska & Orthopedic Gumby

man, i tried to stay outta this.. tried to mind my manners.. tried to bite my tongue..

i even let the "That One" slide without a post on that.. but now as i'm watching NBC Nightly News, and seeing McCain's Android (Wife) run her mouth about Obama not funding her child who went to war.. and how it sent "cold chills" down her back.. bitch, your back is made outta metal!! your whole body is cold.. kick rocks..

then seeing Ms. Alaska chuckle behind her.. that bitch can get it too.. she needs to be a contestant on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, and i'll bet that she doesn't make it to the 3rd question.. go fix your infant up with another infant.. see how that one turns out.. yup, i said it.. kick rocks..

and then i see Orthopedic Gumby talking shit.. and having the crowd join in unison to call Barack a liar.. niggas, y'all can't even look him in the eye.. say it to his face.. Gumby acts like Barack orders "about face" whenever Gumby talks shit about him.. bitch ass nigga.. bitch.. but what happened was the way i felt as i watched and listened to chants of "liar! liar! liar!".. nah, Android, i had chills running down my back! if i closed my eyes i would've sworn that i was at a KKK rally.. now i got scenes from the Great Debaters playing in my mind.. that shit is scary..

this shit has gone too far.. is it 2008? 1908??1888? shit.. watch ya back on November 4th.. in the words of Chris Rock, "these crackas ain't playin'!"..

The Debate..

i haven't spoken much about the debates.. haven't had much to say.. same stuff, different day.. i was about to post something, but then my man C3 hit the blogosphere w/ this:

Darkest Berry

check it out.. classic material.. props due..

Random

man, i'm tired.. been tired.. been grinding.. been working.. been slaving.. been ridiculous..

yea, ridiculous.. which reminds me..

Tracy Morgan..

what's up with this dude? i met him in the BX one night (real late).. dude was out there looking like a Busta Rhymes video shot in 1995.. woo-ha, got you all in check.. those type of outfits.. it was what it was.. but as i see him on Scare Tactics, 30 Rock, commercials for VH1, etc, i'm lost.. every time i hear this dude, it always sounds like he just learned how to talk.. what part of the game is this? how does he keep getting a job? yeah, he's funny from time to time, but do we really think he's THAT funny, or is it funnier because he's 2 steps away from the reading level of a slave? i could be wrong..

Fast Food Employees..

over the weekend, we (a group of us) were rolling deep.. after a nice long ride we find ourselves at Mickey D's.. there was too much going on there.. outside, 3 latino-looking employees sat inside of their car on what it seemed like was a break.. but they parked in the spot directly in front of the door.. granted, i've only worked at Taco Bell for 2 months, so my experience w/ that type of employment is limited to about 14 years ago.. but i was almost positive employees could not park in the "premium" parking spots.. but oh well, i ain't knocking the hustle.. but anyway that sets the table..

we go inside and we all order together.. i think that alone scared the young Black dude that was taking our orders.. but he takes them.. 1/2 the way through, his register went down.. so we had to move to the other register.. he helps us.. 1/2 of us order the 99 cents sweet tea w/ our value meals.. i've done this before.. i never pay more, nor do i ask for a discount, as i have ordered a cheaper drink.. it's cool.. not here.. he passes all of us the medium size cup, not the sweet tea cup.. that's a sticking point right there.. this tea is only provided in the larger 99 cents sweet tea cup.. w/out the sweet tea, this cup wouldn't exist.. that's the background.. so when dude gives me the medium cup, i reminded him that i was getting tea.. he agreed.. so, umm, yea.. why don't i get the sweet tea cup? he responds saying that the computer doesn't allow that.. and that if i wanted it, i would have to pay extra.. y'all know me, so y'all know i (and the group) grilled him to the point that he dang near had a panic attack..

pause, i forgot a good part of the story.. when his first register went down, the manager came to help.. this chick had coodies.. her elbows were covered in some form of rash.. it messed us all up.. this older white lady had coodies.. that slowed down our order times, as we all started to peep where this manager was going to go, and who's order she would touch.. keep in mind she didn't wear gloves.. but in this case, this chick needed a sleeve.. she needed to hit up Iverson for his joint, or maybe Kobe.. shoot, D.Wade's elbow pad might be more like it.. that chick had coodies..

unpause..

so, we ended up giving dude 75 cents more just to get the cheaper cup.. then the tea wasn't at its best.. sigh..

John McCain..

eat a dick..