Recently we’ve seen a lot of moments that have either angered us, embarrassed us, or called for us to disassociate ourselves with someone or something.. In the spirit of this recent history, I announce AOG’s 1st Annual Baby Powder Awards..
The Baby Powder Awards are given out in the spirit of the strong desire to “smack hot fire” out of some of us.. As AGs, it’s our responsibility to hold each other accountable, but in a manner that speaks in the voice of Riley (Boondocks).. “That’s so not gangsta!”.. So, everyone, hold out your hand, sprinkle some baby powder to lessen your own sting, and get to smacking..
1. Rev. Jeremiah Wright
This one is difficult, but even my Chicagoans can get the five fingers.. Rev. Wright, you know better.. If it wasn’t for Barack’s prowess, you might be up for 2 smacks, but since Obama proved how gangsta he was by providing landslide slaps to Mrs. Clinton, he saved you.. You could have been the scapegoat for Black people losing its opportunity for a Black President.. THE Black President.. You were fine when you started, and they were getting on you about 8 second sound bites.. You were right to be upset.. They didn’t know you.. They shouldn’t have come at you like that.. But, then you took a long break and came back with nonsense.. True to stereotypical form, you were “all late” with your response.. Then you started shucking and jiving like a scene from Bamboozled.. That was so not gangsta! You even called out Barack, when he referred to you as a “spiritual advisor”.. Negro please.. You knew what he was doing.. He was speaking to a larger audience.. Or in your game of semantics, a larger congregation.. People understand “advisors”.. Not everyone has Pastors, Deacons, Church Ladies, etc.. But, here you come acting like he was referring to you like you were Candyman or some other boogeyman.. Congrats, Rev, you’re the first to get smacked..
2. Louis Johnson
Y’all might not know this dude.. Actually, he’s probably about to be more famous by receiving this award, because he was nowhere close to being an AG.. This is the dude at the center of this OJ Mayo story.. If you don’t know, OJ Mayo will be a Top-10 NBA draft pick this year.. Was LeBron after LeBron left high school.. This year he made it look easy as a freshman at USC.. We all knew he was going pro.. He’s been groomed for the NBA.. All of the big players know him.. Carmelo Anthony got him into hot water this year when he gave him tickets to the Nuggets vs. Lakers game.. They are boys, and he was just hooking his friend up.. The NCAA didn’t like that, and OJ had to pay Melo back.. Now, ESPN breaks this story after some sorry former writer/drug dealer comes forward about OJ getting cash and gifts since he was in high school from a “runner” who was provided funds by BDA Sports (a large sports agency headed by a Black man).. This story is only told after Louis was kicked out of OJ’s circle.. I find it funny that this 40-something year old Black man is referred to as OJ’s “former confidant” by all of the media (headed by ESPN).. Really? A confidant? That dude was around OJ for a paycheck.. It’s sad that the media can’t see right through this.. That they can’t see that since he’s been kicked to the curb, that now he wants to do what’s right so that OJ can get the wrong people out of his corner.. Let’s not forget that OJ has done nothing more than work his behind off and become a future NBA star.. Let’s not forget that at 13 he started having all of these old men get at him “in his best interest”.. Really? Now OJ’s world is turned upside down and everyone is looking at him as just another Black athlete getting paid to play a sport.. Getting money because he’s good.. Puh-leeze.. If the NCAA, ESPN, or any other media outlet wants to really crack down, let’s look deeper.. Let’s do an analysis of some of these baseball players that get jobs and other perks that no one talks about.. Louis? Who are you?? You tried to be a pseudo sportswriter, then a pseudo drug dealer/addict, then a “confidant”, and now a snitch.. I have 2 handfuls of baby powder for you..
3. Hillary Clinton
Get out.. Leave.. It is no longer a race.. Check the new cover of TIME if you don’t believe me.. You are just wasting money and time.. If you’re for the party, then do what your colleagues are asking you to do.. Bounce.. Get gone.. It’s not a competition if you can’t win.. And at this point, you can’t win.. You tried.. You really did.. You lied.. You and your husband did something that I didn’t think was possible.. Loose the luster with Blacks.. I liked Billy.. I really did.. I always said that he spoke better for and about Black people than most Black people could.. Now, I can do without y’all.. Especially you, Hillary.. I know it’s not right to slap chicks, but you, my former friend, are deserving of one.. Even if it’s a nice, soft, playful one.. Just enough to put the nice handprint on your cheek.. You deserve it for just being this dang stubborn.. For changing your stance and lines to fit what you felt would generate more votes.. That’s so not gangsta..
4. Media
Y’all get this award for being too blatant with your racism.. Pacman Jones, Michael Vick, Carmelo Anthony, Cedric Benson, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens.. One of those kids is doing their own thing.. Guess which one? That’s right, Mr. Clemens.. Mr. Cy Young.. Mr. Yankee.. Mr. I Can Get Paid $2 Million For Each Game I Play.. Mr. I Did Not Take Performing Enhancing Drugs, But My Head is the Size of Shaq’s Rims.. Mr. I Did Not Rape a 15-Year Old Country Singer, Even Though She Co-Signed the Allegation.. Mr. I Know I Was Married with 2 Kids at the Time.. Mr. I Will Use Your Wife, But I Won’t Steal Her From You.. Mr. My Trainer and Former Teammate/Training Partner Have No Idea What They Are Talking About When They Admitted That I Did It Too.. Come on now, enough is enough.. Media, you’re getting the smack, because through all of the recent news that came forward, you found a way to ensure that it wasn’t online or in your news.. I mean, nowhere.. It disappeared.. When the Vick non-sense came out, y’all had cameras around him 24/7.. Remember when Allen Iverson had that issue in Philly with his wife? When he went to find her after he got into an argument with her? Y’all camped out at his house for about 3 months.. Do you not know where Roger lives? Let me know, I can google it for you.. Barry Bonds can’t get a job.. Cedric Benson is being aired out one day about being one of the worst NFL dudes in the game, and when his friends and family come out in defense of him, you limit the airtime the story gets.. What’s up with that?? You blasted him for 2 straight days, and when accounts, pictures and 911 records came out to support what he was saying, the story no longer gets airplay?? What’s really going on? Where are our sportswriters at? Why are we not taking the time to defend one another? That’s so not gangsta..
5. Myself
I get a slap for staying away from y’all for so long..
So, yea, those are the initial awards.. Who else is up for nomination or a clear path to the slap?
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