Some Next Ish..

who knows..

who knows what this blog will end up being about, but i'm glad to have you following.. i'm back on my meds, and this is my therapy.. the written word.. so much been going on.. business issues.. family issues.. and everything that falls in between.. right now, it's all BS.. lies on top of lies.. sometimes i feel like i'm living a lie.. not on purpose, but just on some hidden camera real life experience ish.. like, somebody already made plans for my life, and i wasn't hip to the game (dang i sounded old saying "hip to the game")..

i'm serious, though.. i'm breaking my back getting stuff together.. meeting w/ all types of ppl to figure out this lie of a life i appear to be living.. and i feel like i stopped lying.. lol.. that's the ironic part.. as a business man and owner, you learn to tell the lies that you have to in order to be successful.. not on some "i make a million dollars" type of lies or "i'm the best that ever did it" type of lies, but more on the "i never had an employee named T Bags" or something like that.. just something small to distance yourself from random ridiculousness.. wait, are things that are ridiculous usually random? sheeit, i don't know.. anyway..

i feel like lately, everybody and everything around me doesn't seem real.. i get a call from the Aldermen to meet to discuss biz, only to get there and see that there is a line of ppl complaining about fire hydrants, their next door neighbors, or the annoying stray cat that walks around barking like a dog.. i don't know.. but, then i'm placed in that position and then forced to act like i'm "too good for lines".. well, that part is true, i am too good for lines.. even if its in my own mind and in my own reality, it's still my truth.. so yea, then i'm calling ppl out, and saying "nah, i'm not here to wait for a 15 minute slot. i'm hear to discuss business. if i can't then i'll roll"..

see that's where i look "bougee" (yes, i know how to spell the word - keep it moving).. cuz i had those workers scrambling to figure out how to make me happy, and they did.. i got my meeting set up, and i was out the door.. but, from an appearance stance, i looked like an asshole to some and like a true business man to others.. i literally told this Aldermen's assistant that "i don't need to have this meeting, i'm already good w/ the Mayor and other Aldermen".. now, that's all true, but i didn't want to have to play that card.. they forced me too.. from something that stemmed from a lie (i.e. Aldermen wants to meet with you on this day at this time)..

then i'll have money lies.. even joints i've used myself.. check is in the mail.. waiting for money to clear.. etc.. we've all done it.. i stopped doing it, on some "it's whateva get off my phone" ish, but now i see EVERYONE is doing it!! i mean EVERYONE.. i can only smile (except for the times when i'm trying to get my money).. when it comes to money, everyone is on some do for self ish right now.. i can't say that i blame them, cuz once my cashflow is back to where it should be, please believe that if i don't consider you close, then from a money perspective i'm treating you like a long lost relative that resurfaced after i won the lottery.. i've had bank execs tell me they want to do something, then turn around and ask to borrow a dollar.. it's crazy..

i've dealt w/ family stuff (i'm going through some deep family ish) and turned around and was like "damn, are we family?", cuz the person i was talking to morphed into someone else.. i'm close to the point of only talking to like 3 ppl in my family.. no lie.. and my mom ain't even 1 of those 3!! it's crazy..

that's why i'm thinking that i'm in the Truman Show (google it).. thought i made moves to right the ship, and realized i was on the wrong ship.. got on another ship, then realized that we never left the dock..

shoot, i went to do a television interview only to find out that the reporter forgot that we (Blacks) were free (based on his appearance and speech).. then i turn to the tv and watch America's Got Talent and see a dude from the south that can sing, but before he started singing, i said "dude sounds like he's still a slave", only for this negro to start singing a slave song!! i can't make this us.. shoot, that reporter i talked about? this dude had a show called "My Guests Ain't Guessin'".. i shit you not! i busted out in laughter on camera when he said that.. looked around the set like "is he serious?".. then realized he was and then i was on some "oh hell nah, give me the papers, cuz i'm putting my own clause in this piece that says - WILL NEVER BE AIRED".. it was crazy.. dude wearing a wool suit straight off the back of sheep.. in 100 degree weather..

shoot, this is a rant, and i can go on and on, but i'll stop.. i'm just hoping that i one day wake up from this lie and i'm 4 years younger but still have the lessons learned from this nightmare..

i'm just sayin'..