Not in Harlem..

so, yesterday i made my way to Bank of America to open up an account.. i can't stand banks.. none of them.. they all crooks.. been with Bank One, then Chase, then Wachovia, Chase again and now Bank of America.. they all the same.. but, i pretty much had a clean slate with Bank of America.. or so i thought..

so there i was.. in Harlem.. in Bank of America.. why i chose to go to that location is beyond me, other than being in the area.. obviously there are different standards depending on where your bank is located.. or should i say depending on how many white people you have living in that area.. don't believe, if you're here in NYC, try a big named bank in mid-town, and then one in the Bronx, Harlem or Brooklyn.. see if you don't see a difference.. for one, the mid-town ALWAYS has 10 too many bank associates at one time.. in the hood? you have 3 people manning the whole bank!! the ppl in mid-town can tell and advise you about everything.. in the hood, that chick don't even have her GED, but she can take my money and punch in wrong keys into a computer.. and the service? forget.. you can be in a hood bank for 2 hours and 18 minutes just trying to get cash out.. first you have to sift through the people who have no business trying to deposit $3.99 Publisher Clearinghouse checks.. or dude trying to convince the teller that he was just waiting for another check to come in, so that he can bring his account current.. or the dude pulling out 10's and 20's and trying to deposit into an account that's not even his name.. it's a mess..

but anyway, there i was.. i get in there and 4 ppl are waiting for a person to help them get loans, open accounts or get another loan.. my attitude immediately was expressed on my face.. there are no signs, no nothing.. i have to "spot" a sign in sheet.. so my name is placed on the list.. i sit down watching a tv that i thought had CNN on, but realized that they have a cycle of 2 minutes on a news station, followed by an 8 minute loop of the same Bank of America commercial.. so there i was watching some people sue PediEgg about them not being paid to be in tv commercials.. and her comes this Jewish white lady.. in her 60's easy.. possibly early 70's.. we're in Harlem..

she immediately turns around and mumbles something.. i give her the instant gas face.. not on purpose, but i really wasn't in the mood, nor could i hear her.. the look on my face must've scared her cuz she turned around immediately and then mumbled "the picture and the voice is not synched! ikk, i hate that!"..

pause..

first i was like "the chick just said ikk!"

un-pause..

thanks lady, i wasn't even noticing that, but now i can't get it out of my head, and i'm now as agitated as she is about it, and i've inserted "ikk" into my grown man vocabulary..

the chick gets this manager to sign her name on the list.. i guess her hands were too precious to sign it on her own.. she then convinces the dude that she was in front of 3 other people.. i walk over and look at the list and just laugh.. this chick is crazy.. all of us overhear this, but we don't say nothing.. cuz every last one of us (Black and Latino) KNEW she was going ahead of not one of us.. not that we said it collectively, but individually we all were on some "shit, let her try to go in front of me!"..

so i was the last of the 3.. so it's me and this white grandma in the lobby watching a messed up FoxNews show.. a bank teller comes out and asks what we were waiting for, to see if she could help us.. she couldn't.. she then asks if i'm next, and i say yes.. then the mrs. klause clone asks how long the one guy was going to be in the meeting he was having with a customer.. the teller wanted to tell her something, but didn't.. the white chick then demands that she go ask him.. and the teller did!! i smiled.. she comes out and says that he will be in there for awhile.. so the white chick then says "oh well, i just go to the other guy next".. yup she said "next".. i laughed.. grandma didn't know that i had a quick first step and a sharp elbow.. grandma can get it too!!

so the banker comes out and gets me.. i go in the office.. 15 seconds later.. not 3, not 5.. 15.. maybe 30 seconds later, grandma comes running and storms into the office.. out of breath she says "no, no, i'm next.. i was next.. see my name was on the list before his!".. i laugh.. and sit calmly in the seat.. again, i was one of the 3 that was like "i wish she would!!".. so i told her, no, you're mistaken.. my name is on the list before yours.. she then points to an arrow from her name about 3 people before me and how the manager did that and she didn't.. "call the manager" came next.. i laughed.. the banker asked me again, and i told him the same.. i signed up before her and was sitting there before her..

pause..

now, while this all made sense and was true.. let's think about the situation again.. 1 name, 2 name, my name, her name.. all in order going down with hers in last place.. then an arrow from her name to before the first name..

think about that..

1 name and 2 name have come and gone.. if she was before them, why was she not going into that office making a scene? why did the tellers ignore that arrow the first 2 times and go to the name that was next on the list? why is she now making a scene? chick, you have no case.. get your hubby, he'll tell you!

un-pause..

so, after we laugh, she goes and sulks in the lobby..

excuse my french, but Bitch this is still Harlem for now.. slow your roll.. "we ain't.. go-in no where.. we ain't.. going no where.. we can't be stopped now, it's Harlem!"

don't let the cracks in the image fool you!!

Q Quotables..

y'all know the drill.. things i'm feeling..

1. My hometown Chicago Bulls.. Yes sir!! Derrick Rose.. Chicago's PG of the future.. literally.. dude is sick, and i was so glad to see him go to the Bulls with the #1 pick.. next season is going to be crazy.. my boy Tyrus is going to have a field day catching oops from that dude.. hopefully BG will be there as well, enjoying in the run.. now let's hope Kirk is on the move.. any takers??
2. The NBA Draft.. no where else will you see that many Black kids/men turn into instant millionaires.. to see the smiles on the faces of their mothers is priceless.. gotta love it..
   
3. The NY Knicks.. only the Knicks can continue to mess up good draft picks?? that Italian dude?? my man hit me up saying that he's giving up pizza for the whole year to protest this pick.. classic.. with all those guards on the board, they go with that dude?? i think it's going to be another long season for the Knicks, and i'm loving it..
4. "A Millie" remixes.. i like to see when the whole hip-hop community comes together.. and Lil' Wayne's "A Millie" did just that.. everybody under the sun made a remix to that joint.. Hov did his "A Billie" remix, true to form.. Jada spit on it, shoot, everybody spit on it.. but truth be told, Lil' Mama might have had one of the best remixes out of all of them.. crazy.. check it out..
   
5. Changing perceptions.. i'm feeling this now.. i was out somewhere last week, and exposed a bunch of people to how life can be for minorities.. my people's turned a spot out, and had people wondering just who we were and how we got there.. i ain't gonna brag, but i had the biggest spot in the whole venue.. and i made sure people knew that.. it was beautiful to see how much fun so many people had, and how people started to dream again (including myself).. a feeling i will never forget.. let's keep changing perceptions.. Barack will be in the White House, the Bulls in the Championship, and a company called Fuzion on top of the world.. i'm just sayin'..
   

Moment of Clarity..

ok, a lot has happened since i've been away from y'all.. i ain't gon' tell y'all where i was or what i was doing.. y'all be hatin' too much..

but, i need to recap on some things..

1. How the heck did R. Kelly get off? i mean, i know how he got off.. shoot, we all saw it.. saw him.. so yea, dude def' got off.. got off on a chick too.. shoot a few of them.. but i'm just sayin', how do you get off when you're on camera? when you're adjusting the camera in your OWN HOME?!! i guess dude was right.. he don't see nothing wrong.. and i guess the judge and jury didn't either.. yeah, chick moved like she was grown, but she wasn't.. case was on trial so long that my baby niece is dang near in college now..
   
2. Suge Knight got knocked out again.. i know y'all saw the pics from him getting jumped and KTFO a few weeks ago, but he also just sold Death Row for $25 million.. at first, i was like, how did he get that much? then i was like, that's cheap! for that entire catalog? with Snoop, Dre, Tupac? and 20 unreleased Tupac tracks?? pause, how does this dude still have unreleased tracks.. they already put out 20 albums since that dude died.. crazy.. i would be selling Doggfather ringtones like a mug, if i was them.. California Love would be a new anthem that would be played in LAX.. i'm just sayin'.. but again, to those that saw that footage of Suge on his back, please believe them dudes that jumped him are going to catch a bad one..
3. Was anyone else shocked by Jay-Z's verse on Mr. Carter with Weezy?? dude tipped his hat..
   
4. is there anyone bigger than Will Smith right now?? i'm just saying.. i'm feenin to see that Hancock flick.. that's breaking somebody's record (his own i guess).. i also want to see Wanted.. that's a movie NYPD and other cops that can't shoot, need to watch and learn from..
   
5. did y'all see how some people were trying to legalize smoking weed in airports? while i would be all for legalizing the green substance (esp' with the emphasis of Go Green), how high were those white folks for coming up with that idea? that shows you that there is a serious cultural difference between races.. they get high and think of stuff that even other high Black dudes lose their high off of.. like "nigga, what did you say?".. and yeah, i dropped the n-bomb in reference to white folks.. but seriously, how high are you to talk about legalizing weed only in airports.. not in your home.. not on your porch.. not in the club.. not in your backyard.. but in the airport, and only the airport.. niggas taking "get high" to a whole new level.. i'm just sayin'..
   

The Questions..

y'all know the drill.. don't try to answer these, unless you must.. comment as you please.. just some rhetorical questions that's my ode' to hip-hop..

1. Is it me, or did Bush Sr. sell his soul/son to the devil? I mean, the war, gas prices, the economy, his stupidity, etc.. How can your son be that bad?
2. How can anyone not believe in global warming with the tropical storms, fluctuations in temperatures (my east coast people know that this 100 degree weather is no joke), and LA being a "green" state, yet you can't see through the smoke.. i mean smog..?? - somehow that was a question..
3. Was Ellen DeGeneres a Black man in her prior life? i'm just sayin'..
4. Would somebody find something to put in in Elisabeth Hasselback's (The View) mouth? my zipper is stuck..
5. Did anyone really think the Lakers would be down 2-0 right now in the NBA Finals?
6. Was anyone other Bulls' fan happier than me when it was announced that Doug Collins wouldn't be the next coach?
7. What happened to hip-hop?
8. Is it hip-hop or hip hop?
9. How quick did Bill Clinton go from the 1st Black President to a southern white man?
10. Is there a funnier series of commercials than the e-trade commercials with that baby? i mean, that clown one? why can't i see that enough?
    

Kick Rocks..

that's to you, Mrs. Clinton.. Hillary to be exact.. you really have no clue what "audacity" means.. i mean, maybe technically, but you don't "feel" it.. how are you going to dang near demand Barack to pay your $30 million dollar debt? Really? you should've gotten out of the race a long time ago..

kick rocks..

Belief..

"i'm glad i have more belief in myself, than i do in signs" - Q.

that's probably going to sound pretty self-absorbed to quote myself, but it was something powerful for me.. some words that i uttered to myself and to a couple of my boys yesterday afternoon.. see, it's been a rough week.. really a rough past 3 days.. to me, all the signs were pointing to negative things.. across the board.. all of the way across the board.. i went into my own cocoon.. i felt that i needed to remove myself from the world.. i went into it pretty much after my workout on Tuesday.. i believe that was the last time someone saw me until yesterday.. at least in a casual setting.. i just couldn't bring myself to mess with people.. i had to grind.. at least i thought i had to..

i figured if i saw people, i might wil' out.. might do something stupid.. might say something stupid.. i couldn't allow that to happen.. what was crazy is that my man was actually going through the same thing over the last couple of days.. a dude i see dang near every day.. we both were to ourselves making our own life altering decisions.. or so we thought.. i thought it was crazy when i opened up to him and told him about what i was going through, and he pretty much returned the same message to me.. he was feeling the same.. during that conversation i couldn't really get through it.. where we were, i had a hard time being.. it was supposed to be a good situation, and it was, but it was lessened due to our attitudes.. so then i said what i said above..

after that, i think the world was removed from my shoulders.. cuz no matter what, i was going to be good.. whether that's on the personal side or the business side, i was going to be good.. shoot, that morning i contemplated doing a lot of things that were not good.. well, maybe i should say that they weren't smart.. i woke up at the crack of dawn yesterday, earlier than usual.. and i was up working.. researching some nonsense that my sleep woke me up out of.. at that point, i felt that i HAD to research it.. then i was brought back to reality.. a few tense conversations, a longer one with my man C3, and then one with PC.. i still wasn't out of the woods, though..

so there i sat, spilling a lot over lunch.. had a text message from a dude that owes me something.. kinda put me over the edge at that point.. but then i went back to what i said before.. i'm glad that i have more belief in myself..

that's all that i needed.. i snapped back into it.. forget these "signs".. i ain't even worried about them.. because if it really is a sign, i still have a choice.. i still can go another way.. i can still spin a negative into a positive.. that's what i was going to do.. so i ended up having a man afternoon/evening.. i was with my boy for a few hours.. we ended up moving around the city checking out a few things that we've been meaning to.. work was the furthest thing from my mind.. so was most of the world.. things that usually aggravated me (like the train), wasn't getting to me.. i took my behind home, realizing that there was a planned "men retreat" that night to watch the kick-off of The Finals.. Lakers vs. Celtics.. i needed this..

my attitude began to get foul again.. i called my father to wish him a happy birthday.. i forgot, but as i finally checked my voicemail last night, i heard his voice.. so i called, and we rapped for a bit.. all he really wanted to know was when my birthday (and my siblings) was.. i had to laugh.. dude had no clue when any of our birthdays were.. i think he had mine in april, my sister was in the right month, but way off on the day, and i think he had the right month for my brother.. he then mentioned that he tried to call my brother.. i laughed.. i was like "don't you know he's locked up again?".. he then told me that he got out.. "word?!".. i had no clue.. it made me feel a certain way.. not good or bad, just weird.. through that conversation, i realized how separated my family was.. but then i got to the cigar shop, where i was to meet the fellas before we rolled to my man's spot in NJ.. i saw them.. talked a lil' more w/ my father, and i snapped back out of it..

or so i thought..

so we drove to grab some steaks and stuff for the night.. then were off to NJ.. we get to the spot.. my man's crib is SICK.. brownstone.. SICK.. we walk in through the basement, which opened up to the perfect basement.. walk in and you see like a 72" plasma.. wrap-around couches.. a bar.. a spa.. it was crazy.. it let out to the back.. dude had his own gazebo-like structure.. grill and the whole nine.. i was like "what part of the game is this??".. i was in love with the dude's crib.. straight up in love.. we went up to the main floor which had the kitchen.. we each prepped our own steaks and greeted each other.. then to the grill.. then cigars and wine.. it was an experience..

there were 5 of us.. i'm the only one under 40, and i think everyone had me by at least 10 years.. but it was cool.. these Black men do it! powerful group.. i felt honored to be included.. we ignored the game for the first 3 quarters as we talked about everything.. they were schoolin' me, and they said i was schoolin' them (not too sure about that, but hey).. we talked about life.. and then i realized how good my life was.. how i didn't need to hide from the world.. how i could just live.. i was living.. i had to let the negative stuff go.. i had to let the signs go.. they told me how business can humble us and make us stronger, and that things would be getting better soon.. i truly believed them.. they talked about what i was doing, and how if they were doing it that early, they would be having this gathering in Dubai or something.. made me feel good.. didn't put any more bread in my pocket, but still made me feel good..

so we were talking until 3:30 this morning.. crazy.. didn't get back home until after 4am.. but it was all worth it.. and here i am again, back at it.. believing more in me than anything else.. getting my swagger back.. about to go hard yet again.. rainy day or not.. i'm gettin' it.. trust me on that.. so, say hello to the bad guy..

no more bitchassness for me..

i'm baaaaaaaaack!!

Introducing Sleepy..

see man, i wasn't even going to do it like this, but my man forced my hand.. here i was, prepared to introduce my cat to the world.. full of stories that were hilarious to me.. that were even funnier to those that have met my cat.. but today changed it all..

let me back up.. i hate cats.. HATE them.. never liked them joints.. were too sneaky to me.. to be honest, i thought they were too much like me.. slanted eyes.. no sense of what limits them.. they just go for it.. but then Sleepy came into my life.. much more than a cat, dude is a tiger in training.. that's where he got me..

see, i like big cats.. Lions, tigers, panthers, etc.. Sleepy has some of that in him.. he made his way from the street, to finally living with me.. he won me over with his athletic ability.. plus he's a BIG cat.. dude is not your ordinary house cat.. he's probably like twice the size of your traditional house cat.. but not fat.. just strong and athletic.. lean.. i give it to him.. dude is a beast..

so that's the background..

over the last year, he and i became closer.. that's what happens, keep a pet long enough, and y'all start to know everything about one another.. plus he was a bully.. a small terror.. and a show-off.. he's like the LeBron of house cats.. jumping from 10 feet away.. bullying grown men.. biting.. dude can even slap box! don't believe me? just wait until the video blog.. just wait.. he will pop the mess outta somebody.. and that's how he won me over.. i just couldn't believe this lil' mickey fickey had so much gangsta in him.. to the point where i would literally have to resort to punching dude in his gut.. PETA, kiss my ass.. you can let a house cat punk you if you want, but i'm not the one..

so, we developed this rapport.. he has his gourmet food in the morning and at night.. i woke up, he was there waiting for me.. forcing me to the fridge? don't believe me? let me explain.. dude will be at the door, then wait for me, and as i'm walking to the bathroom he will cut right in front of me forcing me into the kitchen.. he'd then rub his face against the fridge and begin talking.. if i took too long, his meows became longer and stronger.. he wasn't playing.. i liken it to a spoiled kid banging his fists on the table saying "i want to eat! i want to eat!!".. that's Sleepy.. when i returned home, he would greet me at the door, then layout in front of me acting as if he wanted his belly rubbed then as soon as walk beside him, he'd trip me and run to the kitchen.. so, there i'd go.. being a punk.. getting him his food.. i was Mr. Belvedere.. although he has dry food in his bowl, he knew in the morning and evening he was ENTITLED to his gourmet meal.. crazy.. oh, and consider that the dude has an automatic kitty litter box!! he lives much better than me!!

but today?? as i sat working from home, i was lost.. sitting on the couch with the window air conditioner behind me, we both heard noises.. i figured it was my landlord messing with the trash, so i ignored it.. not Sleepy.. nah, dude was on the prowl.. he sat in the window staring.. i ignored him.. like 15 minutes later, i heard another sound.. so i get up.. "what is dude doing?".. i can't believe he's still out there messing w/ the garbage.. so i look out the window by the door and i don't see anything.. so then i peek out the air conditioner window.. guess what i see??

a female cat chillin' on top of the air conditioner.. Sleepy has a crush.. i was like, "aww that's qute".. but then it was going on for too long.. Sleepy sleeps all the time, esp' during the day.. he likes to do his dirt all by his lonely, so he waits until the night to start ripping and running.. not today.. dude is up all day.. knowing good and well he's dead tired.. all for a girl.. i start to ignore him, then i start to get upset.. i look at this street cat, and i'm like "she ain't even qute!!".. so i'm now bitter at his taste.. but part of me feels good.. like Sleepy isn't concerned about dating some model, even though he could.. he just likes what he likes.. since i see some of that in myself (although i would never date an ugly chick), i start to smile a bit..

so i peep his game.. he has none at all.. none whatsoever.. dude is caught out there.. BAD.. he's pressed.. this chick ain't even meowing for the dude.. she is pretty much just staring or either ignoring him.. on some, "dude can't even come out to play, what kind of man is that??".. but Sleepy ain't hearing it.. he proceeds to jump all around me, dang near pulling down the curtains and blinds to get closer to him.. he's "hissing".. yes, my man hisses or "huffs".. i'm screaming at him, dang near embarrassing him like any parent would do.. then i'm realizing that Sleepy, as big as he is, is just a teenager.. he don't know how to act.. so, as he tries to rip the plastic down (yea, i didn't take it down yet from the winter) from the windows, i intervene..

i start to take the plastic down so that he can see that even with it down, he still ain't getting to her.. then that cat starts looking at me.. that chick was too ugly, so i closed the blinds.. Sleepy is all over the window.. this goes on for hours.. like 6 hours.. shoot, that dang cat is still out there.. Sleepy can't sleep for 5 minutes without getting back up to check for her ugly ass.. so yea, right now i'm bitter.. my man has bad taste.. and he's pressed.. we don't do that.. we don't get down like that.. it has to be some mutual stuff.. Sleepy ain't hearing me.. dude is still pressed.. i have a feeling he's going to be up all night.. a shame what women do to us, isn't it?!!

i mean, here i was planning on telling you all about the amazing feats and tales of Sleepy, now i'm putting him on blast as being a sucker for an alley cat.. my strong, creative and athletic cat is now a sucker for love.. what is up with that? i want my tiger back.. i want my pretty boy back.. ahh, yea, Sleepy is a pretty boy.. bathes ever 15 minutes, like he was getting ready to go out on a date.. dude is "stank" too.. has a nice attitude.. touch him and he'll look at you sideways then clean himself.. as if he was questioning where your hands had been.. dude is hilarious.. he'll try to be all grown and sit next to me, when he knows he wants to go to sleep.. his head will start falling and his eyes will be dang near shut, but he'll fight the sleep.. shoot, then he'll find the most uncomfortable places to sleep and make it even more uncomfortable.. piles of papers or magazines.. he's crazy.. then, knowing that i'm allergic to him (and all cats, but good thing for Zyrtec!), he'll lay on my clothes, on my pillow.. one time, by accident, i jumped in the shower and threw my draws and wife beater in the hallway.. i come out only to see this dude doing a mating dance with my stuff.. first he lays on it, then he'll put one arm in front to brace it, then use his back legs to kick and stretch it.. it's classic, but at the same time nasty.. i'm like "why do you like my draws?".. but i guess he's showing me that he's with me for life, like it or not.. cuz if somebody loves your dirty draws, then shoot, they got love for you!! dude is funny.. we go to bed at the same time.. he races me to bed to be honest.. i get up and start walking back, and there he is flying by me, then slowing up as he walks into his room (the 2nd bedroom) at the same time that i walk into mine.. then he will sleep on the pillow that is laid out for him.. when i wake up early, he's still in his bed.. funny dude.. some might wonder why he doesn't sleep anywhere around me.. take a look at that picture.. he's worse than an infant or any woman.. he HOGS the bed.. will sleep right up under me.. not a good look if your cat is spooning you or you're spooning him.. so he gets kicked out.. sometimes he'll get lucky, and creep in, and make his way to the bottom of the bed (see, he's smart, as he knows how to start).. then come 3am, he's all up on my calf or something and i can no longer move.. then he'll have the nerve to give me attitude as if i woke his behind up.. he's special.. he's my cat..

he's Sleepy..